There’s a joke in here somewhere about pigs flying and cruelly shooting hogs from their helicopters, but since I made the life-altering decision to watch the following Marjorie Taylor Greene ad, my brain has declared a fatwa on the rest of me for clicking on it, and I can’t quite get to the finish line. But feel free to craft your own.
That said, the only really shocking bit about this ad is that she didn’t use Ride of the Valkyries as her background music.
Anyway, BIG NEWS! You now have a chance to go hog hunting with GOP Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene! You also have a chance to hang onto the last gossamer thread of your dignity. Note: These two offers are mutually exclusive.
GREENE: “We’ve got skyrocketing inflation, high diesel fuel, and Democrats’ America-last policies. Democrats aren’t the only ones destroying farmers’ ability to put food on the table. We’ve got wild hogs destroying farmers’ fields, so we decided to go hog hunting. [Musical montage] Let’s help American families out. Sign up below and let’s go in that helicopter and go hog hunting. Enter to win now.”
Yeah, that’s a really loose definition of “win” you’re using there, Margie.
Of course, I’m not sure exactly which crop-murdering Democratic policies she’s referring to here, but it’s a little startling—if not surprising—to see her obliquely compare us to pigs. Who are a terrible menace. And need to be shot. Then again, if she doesn’t use her guns for hunting at least occasionally, we’re going to start wondering what the fuck she’s hoarding them for.
Now, personally I’d rather hitchhike to Branson, Missouri, with a syphilitic marmot duct-taped to my head than go hunting with Marjorie Taylor Greene, but it’s a weird world, and surely there will be some takers out there.
But be careful, Marge. To paraphrase George Orwell, all pigs are equal, but some are more equal than others. You may be flying in a helicopter with an assault rifle, but I wouldn’t rule the hogs out. They may not have opposable thumbs, but some studies have shown they’re smarter than dogs and 3-year-old children—which gives them plenty of margin for error when it comes to outsmarting you.
P.S. Stop trying to steal our awesome Dark Brandon meme with your glowy-eyes lightning-bolt bullshit. It won’t work. You’re the Salacious B. Crumb to Joe’s Supreme Emperor Palpatine. Just stop.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
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