Everything you know is wrong. Left is right, up is down, and short is long. And all the things you used to think were so important just don’t matter. Weird Al Yankovic
OK, this is ridiculous, even for the Cheeto prophet. If he wants to talk in tongues, he may as well just hang a cross over the west wing door, and start passing a collection plate from desk to desk.
This is what the President said today. I want you to just bask in the warm, radiant cluelessness of it, and then we’ll chat again on the other side;
We have horrible, horrible laws here. Mexico has strong laws, Canada has strong laws, but we have no laws here.
I hate to tell you this, but this is something like the third time in the last 48 hours where Trump has applauded Mexico and Canada for the strength of their immigration laws, while we sit there doing our Swiss cheese imitation. Just a couple of quick things I’d like to point out here.
First, Mexico. Mexico has such strong immigration laws, and such incredible enforcement, they make us look like we just crawled out of the Olduvai Gorge. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t Trump spent the last couple of days squealing like a jabbed porcine about all of these “caravans” of Hondurans moving through the country of Mexico on the way to a life of welfare and chain migration ease in the US? Well, if Mexico has such tough immigration laws, and they have such good security, how in the fuck did a whole caravan of Hondurans get over the southern border? And how are they making their way up the entire country to our border? I mean, it isn’t like they don’t leave footprints, and pitch water bottlers, a couple of helicopters should be enough to pick ’em out real quick. And if the Mexicans have such incredible border security, why was Mitt Romney hoping that if he just made Mexicans lives miserable enough, they’g sneak back across the border into Mexico all by their lonesome? Sorry Donnie Dumpkins, it’s gotta be one or the other. Either the Mexicans have their shit uber together when it comes to filthy illegals sneaking around in their country, or they’re so clueless that entire Honduran towns are bringing their donkey and goats with them, and heading for San Antonio. Which is it gonna be?
Now for Canada. Man, them damn Mounties are good! Riding roughshod over everybody who can’t sing O! Canada” by heart, and on command, with an “eh” tossed in at the end for good measure. Eh? Just a couple of quick questions. When you were busy telling Syrian children to wash up onshore in the Mediterranean rather than et them get off of a plane at JFK, who was sending their Prime Minister out to the airport to welcome new arrivals with winter coats and backpacks? Oh, and as for illegal immigration into Canada? When you announced that you were going to let slip your ICE dogs of war on the undocumented population of the country, where do you think they ran to? Not south to Mexico, they ran north over the border into Canada. Since most of them were from high crime countries, when immigration came to pick the up fro wherever they landed in the Great White North, they asked for, and in many cases were allowed to request permanent asylum. I did a couple of quick Google searches, and was unable to find nay mass camps like Trump wants to set up to tide them over until we catapult them back across the border again. And I’m just guessing, but the guess is that we have ore foreign nationals come across the Canadian border legally every year and overstay their visas than we have undocumented immigrants streaming across the southern border.
So, I have only two simple questions for the Pocket Caligula. What are you smoking these days amigo, and don’t Bogart that bat willa ya? Pass the dutchy to the left hand side.