Pressley and I were sitting around this morning, chewing the fat when we heard a talking head saying about tRump being a bit of an underdog. Pressley immediately took offense.
That led to the following conversation:
Pressley: That really raises my hackles. Trump is nothing like a dog.
NotNow: Well, duh. Of course, he’s not. Loyalty for him is only one way.
Pressley: It’s more than that. He’d make a lousy dog.
NotNow: Go on.
Pressley: I have a list. Some of us might do one or two of these things. He’s doing them all:
- Based on the way he craps all over everything in sight, it’s clear he’s never been housebroken.
- He’s never learned anything — let alone new tricks.
- He barks all the damn time. He’s worse than a hyperactive Chihuahua. At least they have the decency to sleep a lot.
- He’s horrible with children. The litter he sired are prime examples.
- It’s not that he doesn’t listen — It’s that he DOESN’T LISTEN AT ALL.
- He’s overly aggressive. People are saying, “he needs to be muzzled.”
- Recently, he’s taken to biting the hand that feeds him. Have you seen the way he treats Fox?
- And those rally speeches. I’ve heard of a rabid dog foaming at the mouth like that.
- That leads in to my next point. He doesn’t play well with others.
- His whole life he’s tried to hump everything that moves. Now he’s even humping the flag. I guess he has become talented at putting it to the country “doggy style.” Still, he needs to be whacked with something more than a rolled-up Forbes magazine.
- Hell, if you ask me, he needs to be fixed.
- He certainly doesn’t work like a dog. The only things he does are run his mouth and golf.
- His foreign policy is all about wagging the dog. That’s just sad.
- You’ve all be complaining about how he acts like it’s a dog eat dog world. None of us want to eat each other. That’s just a puppy tale meant to keep us on the straight and narrow.
- He’s got enough people in his dog house to fill a small city. That’s a lot of backed-up bile.
- He has never played well with others. He wants all our bones, toys, treats and goodies. We only get to keep our skritches because he hasn’t figured out how to steal comfort.
- He’s way meaner than any junkyard dog I’ve ever heard about.
- His statements are the quintessential dogs that won’t hunt.
- He thinks of himself as quite the hot dog, but he’s always barking up the wrong tree.
- Ok, I’ll grant you his administration is a real Tijuana dog and pony show. But none us want to perform in those things.
NotNow: Holy Hell, Pressley. You’ve been thinking a lot about this, haven’t you? You are like a dog with a bone.
Pressley: Groan. You are better than that. To answer your question: you are always writing those damn posts and leaving me to fend for myself. My balls don’t throw themselves.
NotNow: Ok, Pressley. Who wants to play ball? Who wants to play ball? Who’s a good girl?
Pressley: Dear Lord, do you have to revert to baby talk like that. I’m five (35 in people years). I understand English perfectly well. And you wonder why I choose to ignore you?
NotNow: Point taken. You know, he’ll be really pissed at you if he ever sees your list.
Pressley: We double-dog dare him to try facing us down. He’d be looking right at the teeth of the dogs of war. We’d send him home in his own doggy bag.
Up the Resistance!
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