Answer to the title question. Potentially every one of the assholes in that photograph! Look, granted Stephen Hawking never took my advice on advance theorem, but I did manage to graduate high school. But even a shitkicker like me knows that bad companions can be your downfall.
Just a little perspective here. At the moment that picture was snapped, Michael Cohen’s lawyer was getting the stuffing kicked out of him a few blocks away by a federal judge. “Excuse me sir, but how do you know how many files were confiscated by the FBI if neither you nor Mr Cohen were present?” “Shit your honor, I have no idea. I’m just telling you what Mikey told me, so please, don’t bust my balls, OK?” And what is Michael Cohen’s calm, studied, “I’m so not guilty” response to the hurt locker he is in a few short blocks away? To be photographed on the terrace of a midtown hotel, sitting around with a bunch of deze, dem, and doze guys sucking on Havanas.
Look, nothing about Michael Cohen’s stupidity even fazes me, much less amazes me. Everything I’ve seen of and heard of Michael Cohen only confirms my belief that he has a full time staff member who follows him around all day, and reminds him to zip up before he exits the bathroom. It’s little wonder that judge Kimba Wood wants Cohen personally in court at 10 am Monday morning, to turn over his client roster to her, so she can decide which ones to out to the public domain. It’s the other idiots in that photograph that leave me dumbstruck.
Michael Cohen has the FBI sniffing around him right now like a dog at a signpost. Even if I was as pure as the driven snow, I wouldn’t want to be seen stopping in front of Michael Cohen’s house if I was his paperboy. I’d find myself in a windowless room, sitting across from a couple of guys in un-tailored suits and no smiles, asking me how well I know Mr Cohen, did I ever speak to Mr Cohen, if so, what did he say, did I ever see anybody coming or going at Mr Cohen’s house? Who needs that kind of hassle. But yet, here all of these yahoos are, sitting at their leisure, yukking it up with the subject of a criminal investigation, and lip locking with a stogie. Have none of these people ever heard of facial recognition programs?
Before he started sending goons to threaten porn stars, and fuck up executing simple non disclosure agreements, Cohen was big in taxi’s. I’m from Chicago, and I know that you don’t own a cab company without “connections.” And somehow or other, I just get the feeling that Cohen’s social circle doesn’t breathe the rarified air of 5th Avenue penthouses very often. So, who are these guys?
I get the funny feeling that we may be about to find out. You gotta know that the FBI already has a copy of this picture. They’re going to track these jokers down, and have a nice little chat about how they know Michael Cohen, how well do they know Michael Cohen, what is their relationship with Michael Cohen? And as long as the FBI already has their identities handy, what’s the harm in running a quick check through records, see if anything pops? I’m keeping a copy of this photo on my desktop, for quick handy reference if I start seeing strange photos popping up over Rachel’s shoulder in reference to Michael Cohen. Think I’ll get any hits?
I already know that we’re not the brightest species on the planet, the jellyfish wins that race running away. But really, sometimes when I see people like that, I wonder why we were ever given fine motor skills and cognitive responses in the first place.
A note from the author: If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy my books, including the brand new President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange. Get them at Amazon: