You probably saw on Monday that President Biden was caught on a hot mic calling the brainless, perambulant, amoral, hooey-oozing goat placenta known as Peter Doocy a “stupid son of a b*tch.” Hey, we’ve all called Doocy worse things, and I personally believe Biden should be commended for his almost herculean forbearance. 

So Doocy asked an ignorant question, Biden suggested under his breath that he thought Doocy was donkey-brained (narrator: “he is”), and conservatives erupted in righteous indignation as if they’d never seen anything remotely like this happen before.

But the Gaslight Award for Unvarnished Hypocrisy has to go to Trumpy GOP Rep. Jim Banks of Indiana, who’s apparently been in an oddly selective coma for most of the past six years or so. On Monday, he tweeted thusly:

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For the nontweeters:

“Have we ever seen a President attack and malign the free press like Joe Biden has??”

Gee, let me put my thinking cap on. No, I can’t think of any such incidents—other than, say, Richard Nixon’s entire presidency. 

Oh, and remember this guy, Jim? Do ya? Huh? Ring any bells?

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I could go on … and on … and on, but you get the point. And, honestly, if I strove to be completely thorough, I’d likely need a MacArthur Fellowship and a full-time research team to complete this diary. And by the time I finished, it would be longer than one of Don Jr.’s patented coke ‘n’ gibberish benders. (Alleged benders, that is. There’s always a chance he OD’d on Mountain Dew and Pixy Stix. Let’s just give him the benefit of the doubt, eh?) 

By the way, Biden later called Doocy to apologize, which is something the former guy never did, never would do, and would never even consider doing for the folks he so charmingly referred to as enemies of the people. So, yeah. Maybe people like Rep. Banks should confine their outrage to tan suits and vegetable gardens, because this fake scandal is just a bit too rich for anyone to swallow.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.

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