After ignoring or defending Donald Trump’s every shambolic lie and cranial methane blast over the past five years, Fox News has zeroed in on the real crisis of credibility in our currently reeling republic: Whimsical Time magazine cover drawings.
Hie thee to thy fainting couch!
HARRIS FAULKNER: “I mean, that’s not real. That picture isn’t real. Don’t we care … I thought we were a nation who cared about the facts.”
What was your first clue that it wasn’t real, Harris? The fact that it’s a drawing? You must shit a celestial Skittles rainbow when you see M.C. Escher’s stuff if you’re this confused about that cover. And don’t ever read Spider-Man comics, because that shit will freak you the fuck out. “A teenage boy swinging from giant webs? Oh, gracious, we are at perdition’s gates.”
Were you this irate when Donald Trump lied about inheriting a “mess” of an economy from Barack Obama? Because that was some provably false, straight-up bullshit.
You can all pretend Donald Trump left the ship of state ship-shape, but he didn’t. There’s a lot to clean up, starting with more than 4,000 coronavirus deaths a day and a vaccine distribution “plan” that’s probably scrawled on a Trump Tower Grill cocktail napkin and a portion of Alex Azar’s arm.
So, yeah, maybe hit pause for a second before you whine about this kind of happy horseshit. You’re gonna give us all whiplash.
This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, via Twitter. Trump is gone, but the righteous mocking goes on forever. Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trump, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links!