Okay, who’s the leaker? As you know, we libs were gonna go all Tet Offensive on yet another cherished American tradition three weeks from now and someone apparently spilled the gross green beans with bacon bits inexplicably strewn all over them.
Fox News has found its new boogeyman for November, and for some reason, it’s not a pr*sident who tried to trade hundreds of millions of dollars in foreign aid for dirt on his political opponents. It’s the liberals’ War on Thanksgiving! Of course!
So, apparently, one random person at Huffington Post wrote an article about reducing one’s carbon footprint over the Thanksgiving holiday by choosing lower-impact foods and buying locally sourced fare.
That kind of foolishness sounds hinky to Grandma, so naturally, Fox spent three days on it.
Here’s Fox News’ “War on Thanksgiving” segment. Completely beyond parody. pic.twitter.com/05bPGMwXsZ
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) November 9, 2019
And, naturally, you can’t have a decent made-up war without the Five Horsemen of the Holiday Apocalypse, Fox & Friends and Diamond & Silk.
All of this is just amazing. Someone wrote a blog post that was like "Hey, here are some tips if you're looking to reduce your carbon footprint this Thanksgiving," and Fox has been going on about it for three days now, misrepresenting it as an attack on Thanksgiving as a whole. pic.twitter.com/KukwmJTIvq
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) November 8, 2019
For the record, here’s part of what the author of this travel postcard from the Lake of Fire actually wrote about the holiday:
No one should be discouraged from enjoying the holiday or celebrating with family and friends, but we’re here to provide insight into the ingredients and dishes that have the largest ecological impact.
Fuck you, Huffington Post! I’m gonna bake my turkey in the combustion chamber of a 1950s jet engine and make my cranberry sauce from berries that were individually FedEx’d from a random selection of remote Asian countries, because I’m an AMERICAN!
I just hope the libs don’t screw with other revered Thanksgiving traditions, like the White House turkey eschewing a pardon and instead agreeing to testify.
Also, you’d think Fox would have learned from recent history that you don’t open a second front in a war until the first conflict has been resolved. War on Christmas anyone? Focus, people.
And now, my favorite Thanksgiving tradition of all time. Watching this:
Enjoy your holiday, everyone! Can’t wait to destroy it completely and salt the ground where it stands! Who’s with me?