Guys, it’s one thing to kill irony and another to dismember its corpse, make a davenport out of its skin, and sit on it while you spew random syllables like a drowned Teddy Ruxpin.
BRIAN KILMEADE (CO-HOST): This is what [John Dean] thinks of Donald Trump: He has horrible things to say about Ronald Reagan. He said that what President Bush did with Iraq is worse than Watergate, and he wrote a book about that. He has no idea how much money he made. But listen to how he describes Donald Trump: Demeaning Don. Deadbeat Don. Demagogue Don. He calls him Deranged Don. Those are just some of the things included in his 970 tweets. But yet [Rep.] Jerry Nadler [(D-NY)] said —
AINSLEY EARHARDT (CO-HOST): Almost 1,000 tweets.
KILMEADE: Yeah, I mean it’s almost — but Jerry Nadler says I have the perfect guy to kick off my show.
EARHARDT: Who has time for that?
Who has time for that? Good question! Anyone who tweets that much — and with such venom — must be a total loser. Such a person must have way too much time on his hands and nothing valuable to contribute to society. And those nicknames! Who does that? Grow up, John Dean. Grow up!
I want to double-check something, just in case there’s even a vanishingly small chance that it’s true. Did I fall asleep while reading 1984 and get sucked into the pages through a wormhole? ‘Cause I want to get out now. Please?