As a homeland security adviser to Vice President Mike Pence and a member of the Coronavirus Task Force, Olivia Troye saw the incompetence and cruelty of the Trump administration up close. A lifelong Republican, Troye nevertheless advocated for the election of Joe Biden, knowing that another four years of Trump would have been hell on Earth, hell in heaven, and a little extra dollop of hell in hell.

Troye said she backed Biden in part because of Trump’s “flat-out disregard for human life” and the fact that his “main concern was the economy and his reelection.” I mean, that was nice to hear, but we already knew that. What we didn’t know, however—and what Troye was only too eager to share with us—was that Trump had said the pandemic might have a really nice upside. According to Troye, during one meeting, Trump said, “Maybe this COVID thing is a good thing. I don’t like shaking hands with people. I don’t have to shake hands with these disgusting people.”

Someone get that man his Nobel Peace Prize! He was robbed!

Well, now Troye is coming forward with information that places much of the blame for the current chaos in Afghanistan right at the clay feet of the glowering smegma golem himself. Why had so few of our Afghan allies been evacuated before now? As we reported earlier this week, one big reason was Trump. And as Troye notes below in a detailed eight-part Twitter thread, the other reason was the dead-eyed vibrating walrus dildo commonly known as Stephen Miller (i.e., still Trump).

Check this thread, yo:

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Nontweeters can click here to see the full thread. 

In case you don’t feel like reading all of that, let me summarize: Visas for Afghan translators and other allies were continually held up because former Trump adviser Stephen Miller is a fascist pustule on the asshole of humanity who has what I can only assume is a perpetually limp and scabrous Planck-length penis. 

But, sure, blame Joe Biden. 

And now, with apologies to Jon Stewart, your moment of Zen:

Ah, the good old days …

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.

1 COMMENT

  1. Well, I always thought of Steven as “little me” trump. He was on the stage as a trump clone. Don jr. was just a piece of crap floating in the bowl and Eric was mixed up in the business trying valiantly to give it some legitimacy. Nice to see his own people sort of think the same way.

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