The best way to tell that the world has gone completely off its axis is when Ted Cruz predicts the future. Though to be fair, at this point Donald Trump hasn’t actually nuked Denmark. He’s only nuked the U.S. relationship with Denmark.
But just because Trump has burned another trans-Atlantic bridge doesn’t mean all is lost. Because there is someone on the ground in the land of Danes, someone who is the star of Deathstalker. Well, not actually the star. And not actually Deathstalker. Nope, America’s ambassador to Denmark is Carla Sands, a former actress whose biggest role was in a Deathstalker sequel so bad it merited it’s own special broiling on MST3K.
But of course it wasn’t her acting skills that netted Sands the peach job of being ambassador to one of the cleanest, happiest, healthiest nations on the planet. It was her other important qualification … she was the young bride of a much older millionaire real estate developer who died and left her the company. That’s the kind of life story that Trump relates to. Intimately. There was also the little factor that before Trump used his giant Sharpie to scribble her name in the Denmark slot, she hosted a fundraiser for him at her dear departed’s mansion in which attendees shelled out over $400k a plate.
However, as The Daily Beast details, Sands does have political chops that go beyond marrying well and channeling dollars to Trump. She’s also super keen at jumping on conspiracy theories. Every conspiracy theory.
As America’s Ambassador to Denmark, Sands has repeatedly tweeted or retweeted claims that humans could not be responsible for global warming, because after all, humans were around during the Little Ice Age and the Roman Warm Period. If we weren’t responsible for those, how could we be responsible for what’s happening now? Huh? Huh?
She has also sent a series of tweets saying that a video showing African Americans hitting a white woman said to be a Trump supporter was clear evidence of racial hate crimes. Except that the video was old. And fake. And of course Sands has been all over the “deep state” and Q-Anon landscape, tweeting about the “attempted coup d’ état in America,” and calling for “consequences.”
Rest easy, America. Donald Trump may not be going to Denmark, but the nation is in the hands of someone who once passed along a magical crystal to a brawny barbarian set on thwarting the armies of hell. So it’s all good.
Sands was also apparently convinced that not only was the attack on Jussie Smollett a fake, it was a fake orchestrated by top people in the Democratic Party. Top people as in Barack and Michelle Obama.
She’s clearly the one person who is best equipped to handle this diplomatic rift.