You know, when you cover Donald Trump, you hear a lot of shit. And after covering Donald Trump for more than five years now, I have enough of a stockpile to organically fertilize every farm in Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, and still have a clean 4ft ground cover for Bitch McConnell’s front yard.
But even with all of that said, today took the cake. Even with all of the years of covering Trump, I have not seen such a weak, pathetic, whiny, infantile, self indulgent, pissy fit of temper since my grandson turned two years old. It was like watching Baby Herman when his cigar fell out of the pram in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. If Mike Pence weren’t such a pathetic, invertebrate little toad himself, he’d be running from door to door collecting cabinet signatures on his 25th amendment petition, like a kid running for class president.
The Toddler in Chief pissed me off early and often today. He started almost immediately, prefacing some “new numbers” with a petulant little snit about the stock market. He whined like a jet engine about how tremendous the stock market was doing until this stupid virus came along. I swear to God, if you watch it, you can almost see his lower lip stick out as he cries about how his reelection chances are going into the shitter.
But Donnie Depends was just getting warmed up. After a little more introductory pissing and moaning, he started to get warmed up. He decided to give us a crib note course on the origin and development of the crisis, which went something very much like this:
This crisis started a few weeks ago, and it was something that nobody saw coming. But it started out as a purely medical crisis, and is turning into a financial crisis. It started out as a purely medical crisis, and now it’s turning into a financial crisis. And we can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen.
Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Let’s just forget the fact that every reputable expert in the field was predicting for weeks exactly what was coming, while Trump was busy calling it a Democratic hoax. The only moron in the world that didn’t see it coming was Donald “Mr MaGoo” Trump! But here’s where the delusional insanity starts to kick in. It’s starting to turn into an economic crisis, and we can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. News Flash. shit-for-brains, the two have always been intertwined. Now, if you had gotten your head far enough out of your fat ass to take counsel, and if you had anybody around you intelligent enough to give it, and if you had listened, there were a myriad of things you could have done to mitigate the worst parts of the economic crisis. But no! You were too busy telling Wall Street that that rumbling noise they heard wasn’t the dam collapsing upstream. So please. Great and omnipotent Oz, enlighten me. Just how in the fuck are you going to keep it from happening?!?
But then the delusions became dangerous. Because Donald Trump is through dicking around, and he has an announcement! In 15 days, we will convene. All of us up here will convene, and we will decide the time, and the method, with which we will reopen. And by that I mean reopen the country for business. We can’t let the cure be worse than the disease. OK, everybody got that? Donald John Trump, the man who hasn’t done a goddamn thing to try to help prevent, slow, or mitigate the spread of the corona-virus will hold court in 15 days time, and by fiat pronounce how and when the country will reopen for business, so the country can get back to work, and the Dow can get back up to 30,000.
I swear to God, am not making this shit up, watch the presser! El Pendejo Presidente misses his golf, he misses his brain dead rallies. and he’s sick of his rich donors dumping buckets of shit over his head for their losses in the crash, so he’s going to cross his arms, wiggle his nose, jut his lower lip out, stomp his foot three times, and it will all be over! Fuck me! Of he knew it was that simple, why didn’t he do it three weeks ago, and spare us all of this nonstop news coverage? Did he have to charge his batteries, or what?
And now that he has made this imperious proclamation, I have absolutely no doubt that he will convene his little kangaroo court in 15 days and make some kind of bold pronouncement about how it’s time to get back to work, and spending money, and here’s how we do it. Now that alone I’d shell out bucks for to watch on pay per view, but the extravaganza I’ll pay double frequent flier points for is his reaction when 49 state Governors tell him to go and fuck himself! They managed to muddle through this far with absolutely no help or guidance from him, and they’ll be damned if he’ll play the dance song that starts with one step forward, and two steps back. And when they tell him to stuff it, what does he do then? Tweet nasty shit about them? Call them snakes? Threaten to withhold federal funding? What does he do for an encore?
I was dead serious with my title. Donald Trump is clearly, clinically delusional and not with sufficient mental faculties to function. Thanks to both public and congressional pressure, Trump has been living with this crisis 24/7 for more than a month now. I’m sure that he has been presented pretty colored slides, and briefing books done in crayola to soothe his wandering eye. And after being given the vest information and advice possible, his master solution to the crisis is to hold a meeting, come in front of the cameras, and loudly declare, Fuck you corona-virus, you’re history! Now! Back to business as usual! We no longer have the patience, nor the time for this bullshit. The stakes are too high. Trump has to go NOW!
To know the future, look to the past.before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen