Fearless prediction. Look to see Raj Shah behind the White House podium tomorrow, due to the fact that the usual press slug, Sarah Flackabee Slanders had a previously scheduled ethics transplant that she just couldn’t move. Or an early lunch date with Sean Hannity. Or something, anything to keep her from having to step behind that podium again tomorrow!
They say that “Into every life a little rain must fall.” But on days like today, Sarah Flackabee Slanders must feel like she lives on top of that mountain on Kauai which is the wettest spot in the world. Today’s daily bleat and greet was dominated by three main topics, and Slanders came up looking like a total horses ass in each one.
The White House press corps gleefully took Liar, Liar over the falls on the newly released Reporters Without Borders annual rankings of press freedom, showing that the United States had slipped to number 45. Just to put some perspective on this, the Trump administration now ranks behind journalistic powerhouses like Cyprus, Namibia, South Africa, and Burkina freakin’ Faso! The safe move here would have been to say, “Hey! At least we’re still kicking North Korea and Argentina in the ass!” and move on to safer ground. But no, Slanders had to spout the same tired pap about how she comes to the podium and gives the best information she has available, while the press corps simultaneously groaned and laughed. And she also stated that unlike lots of seamy places, this White House gives a press briefing every, single, day. Yeah, and back in the 1930’s-40’s, the Josef Goebbels who wore pants instead of a skirt gave radio pronouncements every day, and we all saw how that worked out!
The subject du jour of the day was of course, VA nominee Admiral Ronny Jackson. And here Slanders gave s a comedic twofer, tripping first over the throw rug, and then the lamp cord. She defended nominating a totally unqualified candidate by saying that multiple administrations had tried installing uber qualified administrators, and that hadn’t worked, so this was simply a “new” approach, not necessarily a “wrong” approach. Umm Actually, no dipshit, that’s exactly what it means, it’s the wrong avenue. Would you ask your dentist to do your heart transplant just because your heart surgeon was over qualified? Of course not, you’d find a better specialist. And when pressed with Jackson’s burgeoning scandals, Slanders reminded everybody that Jackson had survived 4 different background checks. By who, Ernest-Goes-To-Detective-School? The Inspector General’s report that dealt with every single allegation Senator Tester spoke of has been around since 2012! Which you were obviously aware of, since you handed it to reporters last night. Basically it was classic Trump, make an impulsive announcement on twitter, and then later engage in a half ass vetting process. Do everybody a favior, and just call a spade a spade, will ya?
And for an encore, Sister Sarah took a swipe at my favorite voodoo doll of the moment, Scott Pruitt. When presented with a menu of Pruitt’s greatest hits, followed by the pointed question of why Pruitt still had a job, Slanders gravely intoned how the administration was still investigating the charges, and how Pruitt would be expected to answer for them. At this point, I’m feeling so sorry for our own dear perpetual deception machine, that I’m gonna give her a leg up here. Hey, Sarah! You can have the investigation done in an hour, with these two simple words. Fucking Google! Siddown, pull up Google, and type in “Scott Pruitt Scandals.” You can even shave a few shekels off of that $1 trillion tax giveaway deficit, since you won’t need to pay anybody, the media has already done all of the leg work and investigating for you. And if Scott Pruitt can “answer for this,” then if he gets fired from the EPA, you’re gonna be out of a job, since Trump can always make him the new White House Press Secretary, he’d have to be a better lair than even you are.
So yes, I have been a frequent critic of MSNBC for being the only major media outlet that wastes everybody’s time by broadcasting the daily press briefings. But every once in a while, a day comes along where there are actually a few roses that bloom up from the bed of bullshit they’ve been buried in. This was one of those days. Keep it up Sarah, you’re killing them out there. Another year of this, and we should be ranked about number 67.