PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE PERSONAL DIARIES OR HEALTH RELATED ISSUES. I get very personal and try to handle the problem in the most delicate way I can, but…

 Most of you who read my diaries know over the years, I am in ill health, 52 years old, with multiple medical conditions. I am forced to live in a nursing home, and have to rely on nurses, nursing aids, and others for many activities.

My left leg is basically useless, when I stand on it, even with a walker, if I just stand, it ends up buckling after about 10 seconds. I can walk with a walker, but only about 15 feet before I have to sit down or I will fall down. My usual transport now is a wheelchair.

I never thought that I would end up where I am. 52 years old and in a wheel chair and in a nursing home.

I have written previously about my struggles in a nursing home, how some are better than others, but none are “good” as far as quality care goes.

The problem is, I am in bed basically 24/7 unless I have an MD appointment to go to, or I am having Physical or Occupational Therapy.

There is one nursing aid who I most often have to interact with. She works, unfortunately, 5 days a week, 12 hours a day. The problem? She is a horrible person.

First a bit about me. I was raised in a household in which people communicated by yelling. My parents loved me and were not abusive in any way, but there was much yelling and the like. I grew up afraid of loud voices and conflict. When it comes to times when I have to stand up for myself, I don’t. In my life I have let many people take advantage of me because I’d rather “give up” then argue or the like with people. 

When I tel people some issues I have had, they all say “Just tell the person X” where X is something about my disagreements, or would produce an argument. They do not understand that i cannot bring myself to do it. I would rather curl up in a ball and just not do anything.

The problem? The nursing aid I mentioned above. She is always short and argumentative. I will ask her a simple question and her response is to mistreat, or swear, or belittle. She walks around all day out in the hallway and other places swearing, literally swearing about other people, and the like. 

I have major stomach issues. I will leave that to your imagination. But I have IBS, Crohn’s, Diverticulitis, Pancreatitis, and Gastroparesis.

Also when I get nervous or anxious, which happens often, I manifest problems in my stomach. It leads to problems I will leave to your imagination since I do not want to be gross. The problem is, I am forced to wear clothes that assist in case of accidents. Often I have what they call “urgency” issues, and sometimes this happens 5 plus times a day. I have had to wait upwards of 6 to 11 hours to be changed, and this has led to some other conditions, like UTIs.

The problem is, with this CNA is she thinks and is sure I am making this whole thing up. She demands I call for a bedpan and wait until they bring me one. The problem is, either I cannot wait for the above issues, OR  they do not come when the call light is pressed for hours, so I run out of time when I have a warning.

She makes me feel like a 5 month old, argues with me, and tells me that she has come into my room too many times, she does not believe me, etc. 

I do not know what to do. I have talked to one person, a lady I really get along with here, and I see once a month. She is a doctor of therapy, she adds notes to files from actually sitting down and hearing how a person is doing. Of course they never act on what she writes, which is frustrating to both her and me. She suggested that I meet or email the admin about the problem. 

The thing is, though, that eventually she will have to hear about the complaint (How else would they try to “change” her behavior unless they mention the complaint?) and since I am the one who has this specific problem. I am worried she will know it is me and it will get even worse.

I have had friends on here offer to call where I live sometimes to check up on me, and to let them know people care enough to do so. I really, really appreciated the offer but because of the above reason I decided not to pursue the option.

So my question is this: How do I learn to be more confrontational, to stand up for my rights when I am such a push over. It is not so simple as telling me “Just tell her X and stand up for yourself” if I could do that I would not be writing this and having this problem. How do fellow Introverts deal with this kind of situation? What would you do?

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1 COMMENT

  1. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. (I have a chronic pain disorder and thankfully am at home but housebound 80 to 90% of the time most people cant understand what it is like to be stuck somewhere, imprisoned in your residence/in your own body, and I am alone so there is n one to advocate for me.) I am an introvert for the most part but I found throughout the years I have to be my own advocate (for the above reason). It is hard but if you dont advise the administration how else will they know? It may be that others there are having the same issues with her and there might be strength in numbers if you can talk with some of the other patients. You dont deserve to be treated like that. (and if strangers are offering to be your advoctates, to speak up for you, that might be a very good option. And kudos to the people here who have offered to do so.

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