With a red cowboy hat bouncing on the lyrics, Stephen Colbert re-worked Marty Robbins’ classic song to match the idiocy of Donald Trump’s visit to El Paso, where, If you recall, Trump bemoaned the fact that you “can’t own cows anymore” and spoke of how he had no time for dogs.

The dog debate is nothing new. This White House is the only one since 1897 to not have a First Dog in residence. Washington Post:

 “You do love your dogs, don’t you?” Trump said, as the crowd whistled and cheered. “I wouldn’t mind having one, honestly, but I don’t have any time. How would I look walking a dog on the White House lawn?”

The supporters seated behind the riser apparently thought that he would look great with a hound or two because they stood up and clapped. But Trump wasn’t having it.

“I don’t know, I don’t feel good,” he said. “Feels a little phony to me.” A lot of people had told him to get a dog because it would look good politically, he added, but he hadn’t felt the need because “that’s not the relationship I have with my people.” […]

The digression reignited an old debate about whether Trump is the rare human being who actively loathes dogs. Ever since President William McKinley’s administration — which began in 1897 — every single occupant of the White House, save for Trump, has had a dog at some point. Over the last century, the tradition of presidential dogs became so formalized that when Scott Walker, then the Republican governor of Wisconsin, ran for president in 2016, his allergy to dog dander was seen as a liability. But like so many other political conventions, Trump turned that on its head as soon as he took office.

Trump also uses the word “dog” pejoratively.

Former chief White House strategist Stephen K. Bannon was “dumped like a dog by almost everyone.” Mitt Romney “choked like a dog” during the 2012 presidential election. The New Hampshire Union Leader was “kicked out of the ABC News debate like a dog” in 2016. Conservative radio host Glenn Beck, retired Army Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal, journalist David Gregory, conservative commentator Erick Erickson and the communications director for Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.) have all been “fired like a dog,” despite the fact that dogs are not typically known to have jobs.

Trump’s probably afraid of the competition from a dog. It’s no stretch of the imagination to envision a smart German shepherd running the country better than he can. Plus, dogs are impeccable judges of character. Take a look at this one, who is clearly miserable being on this phony’s lap.

Now one thing that would probably sway Trump’s decision to get a dog: make sure he understands that they’re happy to piss on your bed — and they’ll do it for free. That should get his attention.

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