I reclined my seat on the couch and threw the furry blanket over myself. It had barely settled over me when Freddie appeared suddenly on my lap, jumping up in a way that can only be described as aggressive. “You scared me!” I told him, laughing.
He plopped down over my thigh with a grunt. “cozy,” he muttered, burying his nose in the faux fur.
“You jumped up here because you love me, right?” I asked, digging my fingers gently into his real fur.
“…blanket…” he sighed, halfheartedly making biscuits.
I picked up my phone. “Wake up a little, huh? Let’s look at some memes.”
You know how this works, but as always, a gentle reminder:
Pooties are cats; Woozles are dogs. Goggies are dogs, too, and moggies are cats. Birds…are birds! Peeps are people. PWB Peeps are Pooties, Woozle, Birds People. No trolling the diary.
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“Look!” I said, pointing.
“No dog!” he said.
I sighed and flipped to the next one.
“I don’t get it?” Freddie asked.
“I…don’t really either,” I admitted. “But it’s so silly it’s funny. Plus that cat — “ I interrupted myself with another giggle “ — is yelling and it’s funny — “ I snorted and hiccuped, “— to imagine him saying that.”
He leaned forward and sniffed the phone. “Would it be funny if I started screaming?” he asked.
I pointed. “It’s you!”
“It is,” he agreed with a dignified sniff.
“That’s not what I see,” I said. “I usually see your furry butt!”
“You’re welcome,” he said.
“Is that what it’s like?” I asked.
“Pretty much,” he said.
He frowned and looked at his own tail. “Mine — “ he stopped mid-sentence to urgently lick the end of the tail in question, “— isn’t like that,” he finished.
“You could puff it up if you wanted to,” I pointed out.
“I’d have to be pretty upset to do that,” he replied.
“Yeah, we wouldn’t want that. You don’t need to hunt squirrels anyway; I provide plenty of gushy food.”
“Well…I wouldn’t say you provide plenty,” he said.
“That’s like you when I pick you up,” I said.
“I’m not that fluffy,” he reminded me.
Freddie looked down at his fur. “I’m not fluffy like that,” he said.
“Not really,” I agreed.
He looked again.
“You’re not fat,” I said. “Just a little…pear shaped.”
“Is that good?” he asked.
“It’s adorable,” I assured him.
He sniffed the phone again. “Is that a litter box?” he asked.
“No — it’s the beach.”
He smelled the picture again.
“It’s the edge of the ocean, where all the fish live,” I explained.
His eyes widened.
“You wouldn’t like it; there’s large birds there.”
He recoiled. “Change it!” he demanded.
“You and a dog could be partners in crime,” I eagerly told him.
“It’s us!” I cried, pointing.
He opened his mouth to ask, so I offered, “It’s a pun.”
“Are you a burglar?” he asked.
“Uh — no. Why?”
“Because you always talk about wearing a mask,” he said.
I snorted a laugh. “Different kind of mask,” I explained.
“I’m not lonely because I have you,” I told him.
He slow-blinked at me, then rolled to lick the fur on his back.
“So he’s not reading the book on his lap?” he asked.
“Nope,” I answered.
“Rude,” he grunted.
I looked at the blanket. “Speaking of which, I really need to wash this.”
He sniffed it. “Why? It smells like me.”
“That’s why!” I said.
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“I don’t know why you make such a big deal about catnip. It doesn’t do anything to me.”
My other eyebrow joined the first one.
“I can hold it perfectly fine.”
My eyebrows came together in the middle of my head.
“Really. It doesn’t affect me.”
My right eyebrow crawled off my head.
“Oh knock it off,” he grumbled.
I pointed silently.
“This is bananas. It’s just an herb.”
I stared at him.
“Like mint,” he said. “Like your tea.”
We locked eyes.
“I’m dignified at all times,” he assured me.
He looked toward the kitchen, hopeful.
I glanced at my watch. “I guess us being comfy on the couch is not a good reason for your food to come late,” I said.
“It’s not,” he answered. He stood up and stretched (“ohhh, biiiiiiiiiig streeeeeeetch”) and jumped down, making his way to his bowls.
“We could get out the catnip after,” I called after him, holding down the button to lower the footrest.
“So funny I forgot to laugh,” he called back. “Come in here and bring your thumbs!”
Happy Caturday, Peeps! I hear it’s very cold in some of the places you guys live, so I hope you are staying warm as best you can. Stay safe!