You know, Der Gropinfuror really should stop calling it a “witch hunt.” At last check, small as it is, Trump still had a teenie-weenie, so he really should be referring to Mueller’s investigation as a “warlock hunt.”
There’s no doubt about it, Robert Mueller is the #12 reason for soaked bed sheets in the Presidential bedroom, following incontinence. And I don’t blame Trump one little bit. After all, if Ruday Fhouliani and Jay Suckulow were my last line of defense against Robert Mueller, I’d be scared shitless too.
But believe it or not, there is one person in Washington DC who is even more terrified of Robert Mueller than The Cheeto Prophet is. And that man is Mitch McConnell, Trump’s last, best chance of getting out of this mess with his ass unscathed.
In McConnell’s case, it is perfectly admissible for him to use the phrase “witch hunt.” And that’s because, starting on January 3rd, Nancy Pelosi is going to be leading the coven, and that woman has one mean ass broomstick.Not only does McConnell no longer have a complaint co-conspirator leading the House, what he has instead is an opponent who knows the game and arcane rules every bit as well as he does, and she has a largely unified caucus behind her. “Bubble, bubble, toila d trouble,” asshole.
The real problem for McConnell isn’t just that the Democratic led House committees are going to be holding fair, honest investigations, it’s that the ungrateful little bastards are going to hold them publicly. And it won’t be just Trump-Russia either, they’re going to be digging into Trump’s emoluments clause violations, Jared’s financial ties to the middle east, Trump’s ties to Saudi Arabia, Ivanka’s sweetheart patent deals with China, the list goes on and on. and Democratic House committee members will be overjoyed to go on CNN and MSNBC, and explain what it means to the rest of us in simple, easy to grasp terms.Which sucks for McConnell, because while, our bombastic rhetoric about “family values” notwithstanding, Americans have always been rather ambivalent about their President getting a little on the side, we still tend to draw the line at our President selling out the country to stuff his pockets.
The 2018 midterms were McConnell’s worst case of night terrors, because of what it portends for 2020. Nevermind the House debacle, McConnell has worse smelling fish to fry. The Democrats posted record turnout numbers nationwide in a midterm, and thrashed the GOP by some 8 million votes. They flipped seven Governorships in 2018, including ruby red Kansas, putting upward pressure on any GOP incumbents running in those states. Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania are now blue states again, and North Carolina, Georgia and Texas are not going to be the walkovers they once were. The biggest problem GOP Senate incumbents face in 2020 is whether it’s worse to piss Trump off, and have him back a primary challenger from the right, or let him come and campaign for you, especially in states with large urban areas with adjoining former GOP suburban strongholds.
Look, the GOP was solidly behind Nixon, right up to the point where it became untenable to do so. Forget about Trump-Russia for a minute. Trump is not only dishonest enough, he is sloppy enough to have left the democrats in the House a cornucopia of immoral, unethical, and quite possibly criminal behavior that the Democrats are going to be able to expose, and to great effect. And while a lot of people may not be “into” the political complexities of Trump and Russia, especially with the incessant “witch hunt” branding Trump has given it, what they are going to be into is when they find out just how spectacularly he’s been screwing them! His loyal Trombies may drink the kool-ade, but everybody else in the country is going to want their pund of flesh. They are already going to be starting out 8 million votes behind with Trump at the top of the ticket, and the GOP already tried lying about their healthcare votes in 2018, and it failed miserably. Lying about all of this other shit isn’t going to save them either. Tick-tock Mitch.
*Bonus Friday Chuckle *
A guy checks in at the airport gate to board a flight. When he gets to the gate, he puts a dead raccoon on the counter while he fishes for his ticket. The agent asks him, “What’s that?!?” The guy says, “My former pet, I’m taking it home to bury it.” The agent says, “Yo can’t takt that disgusting thing on the aircraft!” The guy says, “Why not? It’s carrion luggage, isn’t it?” (Blame me, that one is an original)
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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.