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President Donald Trump holds up a newspaper with the headline that reads "Trump acquitted" during the 68th annual National Prayer Breakfast, at the Washington Hilton, Thursday, Feb. 6, 2020, in Washington. (AP Photo/ Evan Vucci)

Let me start with this. Although the devil is always in the details, especially when dealing with a felonious little succubus like Trump, I have no problem with the basic outlines of the stimulus package I saw today. For starters, more than half of the booty goes directly to the American people in the form of two separate stimulus payments directly to each adult. At least the split is on the up and up. I’d prefer non interest loans rather than flat out bail outs, but you can’t have everything in this world, I learned that a long time ago, when J Lo turned down my offer to go to bed.

With all of the bad news we’ve had lately, I hate to be the bearer of more, but this stimulus package won’t work, for one simple reason. It doesn’t help matters that El Pendejo Presidente is an ignoramus, who sees every issue through a political lens, and whose every wish come true is the stock market. Nor does it help that his chief economic adviser doesn’t even have a friggin’ Masters degree in economics, or that his Treasury Secretary was one of the pirates that helped to engineer the financial crisis of 2008. All of that makes it harder to get good information, and to make intelligent decisions, but it isn’t the underlying reason for impending failure.

Normally, a recession starts when the general population gets some kind of negative information that makes them queasy about their own personal future. And when that happens, they do a very basic thing, they stop spending money. If consumers stop spending money, businesses don’t need as many people to sell shit, and manufacturers don’t need as many people to make shit, and layoffs follow, inflation goes up on everyday items, and investors jump out of high windows.

The idea behind a stimulus is that if you give people free money, whether through lower interest rates, lower payroll taxes or just plain handing out lucre, people will spend that extra money. And as long as they do, it provides businesses and manufacturers to adjust accordingly to the downturn, hopefully with minimal employment disruption. In essence, you use money to buy time to soften the blow. Administrations have been using one form of stimulus or another forever.

But here’s the rub, and why it won’t work. At its core, this market swan dive is not a financial crisis, with the normal economic foundations and underpinnings. It is a national health crisis, and one that you can’t buy your way out of!

Look, the entire objective of a financial stimulus is to quickly inject money back into the economy. Riddle me this, Riddler. How do you do that when everything is shut down, and the places that are open have nothing to sell?!? The ones that most desperately need the money are service places like retail stores, bars, and restaurants, and they’re all shut down!

Munchkin Mnuchin can give every adult in the country $1000, but what do they do with it? There’s nothing that they can spend it on for starters. Even if they wanted to shop, greedy pigs have already snarfed up all of the Doritos, and made sure that the rest of us will be wiping our collective asses with cocktail napkins for the next six months. And since the vast majority of then are either unemployed, or fear becoming unemployed in the near future, I’ll tell you what they’re going to do with it. They are going to hoard it like it’s the last dollar they’re ever going to see, because it might be. It will help families to make their mortgage or rent payments, but do you think that the landlords and big banks are going to find a way to inject it back into the economy? Fat chance!

That’s the real problem, and why it won’t work. At the core, this is not an economic problem, so an economic fix won’t work. But it’s actually much worse than that. Because at it’s heart, what it really is is just another fucking bait-and-switch, just another bright and shiny object to hide the fact that the Trump administrations pathetic response to this crisis has landed us into this mess, and it’s killing people. If that doesn’t piss you off, I don’t know what will.

To know the future, look to the past.before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen

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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.

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