We’re now beyond describing headlines as Onion-esque, from now on we’re going to call word groupings such as these the “Onion on LSD,” which is where headlines go when Trump has been in office a certain length of time, and the world’s falling apart. Rolling Stone is running an article entitled, “We Read Dr. Anthony Fauci-inspired Erotic Fiction So That You Don’t Have To”Yes. This is a real thing.
In this unprecedented time in global history, we’re all dealing with the stresses of the pandemic in different ways. Some of us are volunteering. Some of us are baking. Some of us are taking fistfuls of Klonopin and watching The Office in footy pajamas. And some of us are being filthily, unspeakably horny for Dr. Anthony Fauci.
The director of the National Institute for Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), Fauci has served as a plainspoken, sobering presence during Trump’s press briefings, providing a no-bullshit counterbalance to the extended Benny Hill sketch that has been the administration’s response to the coronavirus. And much like Gov. Andrew Cuomo, he’s also been transformed into an unlikely sex symbol, with a petition to make him People‘s Sexiest Man Alive garnering tens of thousands of signatures.
But in truth, this is far from the first time Fauci has been subject to sky-high levels of thirst. Last week, novelist and Washington, D.C., socialite Sally Quinn revealed to the Washingtonian that Fauci had served as the inspiration for the male protagonist in her 1991 novel, Happy Endings, Dr. Michael Lanzer. “I just found him riveting, and unbelievably attractive, and charismatic. I thought he was brilliant,” Quinn told CNN about meeting Fauci for the first time in the 1980s, while Fauci was best known for fighting the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Quinn added that she thought Fauci was “really sexy.”
Now I’ve got to take my hat off to any man who can become a sex symbol at age 79. This is no small achievement. Men who are his age peers, and who have been considered the sex symbols of their generation, such as Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino, are looking back over their shoulders at past decades when they were considered really hot. Fauci is three years older than DeNiro and one year younger than Pacino, and he’s just now hitting his stride, apparently.
Sally Quinn’s novel about a Fauci-inspired doctor, who was in charge of HIV, Happy Endings, is out of print, but if you hit the link to the Rolling Stone article you’ll get a few salacious passages. Quinn started her career writing for the style section of the Washington Post after editor Ben Bradlee, Quinn’s future husband, heard about a pajama party she had given in celebration of Barry Goldwater being elected to Congress. Henry Kissinger purportedly said, “[The Post reporter] Maxine Cheshire makes you want to commit murder. Sally Quinn makes you want to commit suicide.” “A notable incident of her career was her claim that Zbigniew Brzezinski, then the National Security Advisor, jokingly opened his fly in front of a reporter, a claim The Post retracted the following day,” Wikipedia tells us.
Life is but a reality TV show and all the people merely characters. Apparently.