Jim Jordan has perfect pedigree for a Trump surrogate. Everybody hates him.

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Gage Skidmore / Flickr Jim Jordan...
Gage Skidmore / Flickr

If you are not already familiar with Ohio Representative Jim Jordan, alas, I fear your time of ignorant bliss is rapidly coming to an end.As with all things Trump touches, it’s like the old saying, “You can run, but you can’t hide.”

Jordan has begun making a name for himself in the mdeia in the last week, when he angrily castigated first FBI Director Christopher Wray, and then Assistant Attorney General Rod Rosenstein in committee hearings. He bellowed out conspiracy theory claptrap of the kind you normally expect from people standing in a park, with a paper sailboat hat on their heads, and their hand jammed into the front of their shirts. Just another fine, upstanding representative of the people. Ohio voters must be so proud.

Jordan is a dyed in the wool Trump man, and he has the perfect pedigree to be spreading the Trump gospel to the masses. Just like the orange coiffed moron skritching him behind the ears, he comes off as a loud, whiny,, petulant infant. The old legal axion is, “If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. And if both are against you, pound the table and scream like hell.” That day must have been one of the few days when Jordan bothered to show up, and of course he took notes. Little of what he screams has any basis in fact, or even linear logic. Obviouslyt he watches tapes of Trump speeches the way football teams watch game films. But he is the founder of the House Freedom Caucus, so he’s used to being a loud, obstinate pain in the ass.

But while he may have religiously memorized “The Art of the Deal”, it’s obvious he never bothered to crack the binding of “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Usually politicians tend to treat members of their own party with kid gloves. But when Jordan’s name came up in an interview in The Dayton Times with his old boss, retired former Speaker of the House John Boehner, Mr Speaker was completely underwhelming in his praise of Jordan;

“Fuck Jordan. fuck Chaffetz. They’re both assholes,” he said of Jordan and Chaffetz, a Utah Republican.

And this is coming from a fellow Ohioan! Boehner went on to state that Jordan had been a “terrorist” going all the way back to his days in the Ohio House and Senate. While Jordan may consider himself capable of performing political slam dunks like his basketball namesake, apparently everybody else thinks he’s a walking iteration of “White Men Can’t Jump.”

Unfortunately, Jordan isn’t faring any better with the media in getting his gobbledygook out either. When Trump threatened to cut off the ACA CSR payments that compensate insurance for low cost subsidies, Jordan backed Trump’s shit with a pissy word salad of his own, which led to this enlightening exchange with CNN’s Chris Cuomo;

CUOMO: Jim, why aren’t you saying the President is acting like an emperor and his job is to execute laws that are passed not write his own and Congress must hold him into account for doing so. 

JORDAN: Not with these CSR payments. The courts have said, just like with DACA, this president said, “I’m not going to continue something the courts have said is unconstitutional.” 

Ummm, no puddlehead, the court did not say Trump was right. The California federal district court judge simply ruled against the emergency stay request of 18 state Attorneys General, saying that they had advance notice, an that regulators had been working for months on how to adjust if it happened. He didn’t rule on the merits of the case, he simply ruled that it didn’t qualify for an emergency stay while another court ruled on the merits. But hey! I guess when you’re batting 0-2017, any time a judge doesn’t directly kick your ass, it counts as a bunt single, which is still technically a hit.

I’ve seen him a couple of times being interviewed on MSNBC and CNN, and he really is as loud, arrogant, and stupid as I’ve made him out to be. But if you don’t believe me, go ahead, watch him in action for yourself. But don’t blame me when you pass out from your IQ sinking into negative numbers. My advice, for what it’s worth is, if you hear a lead in saying “Next, we’ll hear from Ohio Representative Jim Jordan”, switch to the Home Shopping Network for the next 10 minutes. You might actually see something at least vaguely informative and useful there.


A note from the author: If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy my books, including the brand new President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange. Get them at Amazon:


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