America’s most successful domestic terrorism lobby, aka the National Rifle Association, has been having an increasingly hard time explaining why, despite America saturating itself with guns in the last few decades, all these mass shootings keep happening. It is a mystery.
But they know it’s not because of the guns so shut up. In fact stop even saying the word guns. And stop calling them mass shootings, you, um, gun bigots.
"We don’t call them mass knifings when they happen in the UK, a country more than happy to have the kinds of law the @nytimes editorial page apparently approves of. Suddenly it’s a murder spree…But when a gun is involved it’s called a mass shooting." —@DLoesch #TuesdayThoughts pic.twitter.com/fsY3wu0xo2
— NRATV (@NRATV) May 22, 2018
Since this is impossible to parody, we won’t even try. Calling mass shootings mass shootings is prejudiced against guns; instead, we should call them Floofy Boom Booms. Or something.
These people get paid for this, by the way. The spokescritters of the NRA pocket a whole lot of member money in exchange for leaking these words out of their word-holes. You’d assume six or seven figure salaries—in 2015, Wayne LaPierre pocketed five million bucks from the group—could get you the very best pro-murder-weapon advocacy in America.
So it really does seem like this is the very best the group can offer.