jonny5waldman / Flickr shorties on the left tall guys...
jonny5waldman / Flickr

America’s most successful domestic terrorism lobby, aka the National Rifle Association, has been having an increasingly hard time explaining why, despite America saturating itself with guns in the last few decades, all these mass shootings keep happening. It is a mystery.

But they know it’s not because of the guns so shut up. In fact stop even saying the word guns. And stop calling them mass shootings, you, um, gun bigots.

Since this is impossible to parody, we won’t even try. Calling mass shootings mass shootings is prejudiced against guns; instead, we should call them Floofy Boom Booms. Or something.

These people get paid for this, by the way. The spokescritters of the NRA pocket a whole lot of member money in exchange for leaking these words out of their word-holes. You’d assume six or seven figure salaries—in 2015, Wayne LaPierre pocketed five million bucks from the group—could get you the very best pro-murder-weapon advocacy in America.

So it really does seem like this is the very best the group can offer.

Liked it? Take a second to support Associate Editor on Patreon!


  1. It’s almost too funny to respond to.. if you take ALL the shootings, would that be a MASS shooting? Or does it only apply to a ‘school shooting’. If it happened at a Catholic church. during Mass? So Vegas was only a ‘lot of people’ shooting.
    Let’s see, how many ‘knife’ carrying idiots have charged into a crowd trying to stab everyone? With a gun, you do it at distance and maybe even run away like the yellow striped bastard sicko you are!
    ‘Domestic Terrorism’ might be crossing the line, or maybe not.

  2. Would they prefer “mass murder”, because whatever you call it it’s not going to magically make it less worse than it is. I wish the NRA cared more about the LIVES their “precious” guns take than the cold LIFELESS LIFE TAKING hunks of metal they obviously only care about, that and their imaginary meaning of the Second Amendment.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here