New Hampshire Public Radio / Flickr Rudy Guiliani in NH...
New Hampshire Public Radio / Flickr

Donald Trump has an issue with size.

When the actual relative scale of the events in question is more like …

Scandal size comparison

Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani has an issue with time.

Rudy Giuliani said early Thursday that President Trump’s legal team would be “the laughing stock of lawyers” if it let Trump testify in special counsel Robert Mueller’s probe.

“Would be” is not a verb tense that Giuliani can use in relation to the word laughingstock. His actions since joining the Trump team have only reminded everyone that Giuliani stopped making sense a long, long time ago. And the advice that Giuliani is now giving Trump is even less sensible than usual. On Wednesday, Giuliani shifted to the deeply alt-right position that working with a foreign government to interfere in a US election is not really a problem, because political opponents seek dirt any way they can. “That’s what you do,” He insisted to Fox News. “Maybe you shouldn’t, but you do. Nothing illegal about that. Even if it comes from a Russian or a German or an American, doesn’t matter.”

Which, given Giuliani’s recent television exploits, seems tantamount to a confession that we are days, if not hours, from even more proof that Trump’s campaign worked with the Russian government to scuttle the US election. Giuliani also stated that “the important point” was that Trump’s campaign didn’t use the information provided by Russia. Which, in addition to being another admission that they tried to obtain information from Russia, is falling back on the “Sure, we stuck up the bank, but we didn’t get away with any cash,” defense.

But giving legal advice lifted from 4chan threads wasn’t all Giuliani did to prove that he and Trump deserve each other. There were also his comments on Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

In an interview with the Washington Post, Giuliani seemed much less confident of his ability to get in there and negotiate a solution to the Trump investigation in two weeks—which is especially difficult, as he’s already running a couple of weeks late. But Giuliani wants everyone to know that he is running rings around that Mueller guy. Rings.

Giuliani claims that when pressed about whether or not the special counsel could indict a sitting president, Mueller played it “coy.” But tough interrogator Rudy squeezed it out of them, forcing one of Mueller’s team to admit that no, no, they couldn’t lay a legal finger on Trump.

He didn’t seem to want to give the answer,” Giuliani said. “It reminded me of that scene in ‘The Godfather,’ with Sonny and the Godfather, where he said, ‘Oh, you’re going to take care of us? We can take care of ourselves.’ One of his assistants broke in and said, ‘Well of course, we’re bound by Justice Department policies.’ Mueller looked at him like, ‘Don’t interrupt me.’

Because that’s just how it all went in Giuliani’s mind. That’s just how it always goes. With a violin sound track and mood lighting.

But Giuliani apparently never got to the part of the story where arguing that your client couldn’t be charged for technical reasons, no matter what he has done, doesn’t exactly make you—or your client—the hero.

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