Hani Sarji / Flickr 2011 04 21 Trump proves hair...
Hani Sarji / Flickr

Welcome back to our almost-every-weekend look into the abyss, also known as Donald Trump’s Twitter account. We’re going to make this one short and sweet.

The underground test site being “dismantled” is the one experts believe was rendered unusable after a recent catastrophic cave-in, which means Donald is giving the North Korean military applause for announcing the closure of an already-destroyed site. This level of gullibility does not bode well for his upcoming summit; if the North Korean leader announces on television that he has stolen Donald’s nose, Donald would likely agree to hand over the entire peninsula in exchange for getting it back.

On the same day Donald tweeted this demand, he was off visiting one of his golf clubs. Just thought we would join the entire rest of the planet in pointing that out.

This one launched an immediate nationwide attempt to try to decipher what the holy hell the man was going on about. ZTE violated U.S. sanctions twice, delivering American technology to North Korea and to Iran. Last year they paid a $1.2 billion fine for the latter; unsatisfied with the company’s response to U.S. demands, the U.S. government has banned sales of U.S. tech to the company.

So Trump is wading into this one on behalf of a notorious sanctions violator—even as his government demands American allies adhere to new, unilaterally determined U.S. sanctions on Iran. And his reasoning is that too many foreign jobs are being lost.

It’s going to take some time to parse out Trump’s logic on this, unless the logic is “I just got back from my golf club and am currently hip-deep in cocaine.”

What a statesman. What an inspirational figure. Who among us can forget, in those historic moments after Pearl Harbor, when President So-And-So stood up before the nation’s assembled lawmakers and declared “Be cool, it will all work out!”

All right, so perhaps it wasn’t cocaine, this time around; it sounds more like Trump has paid a visit to his friend Mary Jane. Careful with that stuff, Donnie, you’re supposed to eat only one brownie at a time.

Liked it? Take a second to support Associate Editor on Patreon!


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here