Shelley / Flickr melania trump 300x400...
Shelley / Flickr

The FLOTUS is always a challenging role, many  have done it with aplomb, or at least the best darn job they could do. Some have been less than we would like, and throughout history.  BUT,  to pretend the FLOTUS doesn’t have an HUGE UNPAID job to do is just silly. It’s a a big job.

Before I go any further, let me just say that I CANNOT wait for the day when a man has to take on this role. It is not unprecedented—one only needs to look at the monarchy of Britain, or watch the excellent series, “The crown.” We in America have never seen the likes of it, and it’s far past time we did.

Back to Melania. Now, I don’t like her politics, (her really egregious voice on this being her support of her husband’s birtherism, and yeah, her apparent tone deafness in much she has attempted to speak out on) and I don’t like who she voted for or who she married. I loathe who she married, and I think she and I would not disagree much on this.

And yeah, she made her choices. But, silly me, I do have discomfort with holding any spouse responsible for their mate’s decisions.  Thought this about Hillary, plenty of times, and also, I remember thinking this about Laura Bush.

On this note, I can REALLY recommend Curtis Sitenfield’s excellent novel, “American wife” a roman a clef about Laura Bush, and what she might have experienced, through a novelist’s eye.

SIGH. I am not here to defend any FLOTUS in particular, but it seems to me that as long as a woman holds this role, it will not be recognized for the work and effort it is. Thinking that the first time a man has to do it, we’ll hear a whole lot more about it…as it would be if a man ever had to give birth, in this county.

And yes, in this country, as many other countries have put a woman in control, historically and long before us. Yes, we are bad ass “exceptional” in this way. AMAZINGLY SO BEHIND in this way. It is only our vast resources that allow us to be so behind the curve.

I just can’t find it in my heart to hate Melania. It is hard enough on my heart to hate her husband. And I really do hate him, and this does not come easily for me. Looking for an escape from the hate every day, as I know it takes more out of me than it will ever take out of him. And yeah, that’s another diary.

Think this is a woman who did not want this job, and who knows her skill set is not equal to it. Think she is in a nightmare none of us would want to be in. Let’s face it, she doesn’t begin to have the strength of identity and confidence that other first ladies have had, on both sides of aisle.  And it’s not that I feel a need to protect her decisions. But no, I don’t take pleasure in the pain of the decisions she has made.

AND, I think we all need to recognize that the job of the president’s wife is a big one, and SO MANY ways to fail. Like I said, can’t wait till it’s a matter of the president’s husband. That will be really interesting.

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