It seems like every week I’m just waiting for the big hammer to fall. Then something stupid or crazy or terrible happens, and I’m like, “Not that, the really big hammer.” Then something even worse goes down, but I’m still like, “No, that’s not it. The BIG hammer.”
I don’t even know what it is I’m really worried about anymore, But I do know that the GOP and their friends keep dropping more hammers on their own feet than anywhere else. And as long as they keep doing that, Twitter will be there to point and laugh at them. Check it out…
I get the sense that this is gonna be one of those epic Infrastructure Weeks.
Ã¢ÂÂ YS (@NYinLA2121) April 2, 2018
This is the epitome of conservatism:
Could you come pick up your child who keeps owning me? pic.twitter.com/JMNUjlrKID
Ã¢ÂÂ LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 2, 2018
Ã¢ÂÂ The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 2, 2018
“I never signed up for this!”
“Tell me about it”, said the bunny. pic.twitter.com/wrnZBPsupx
Ã¢ÂÂ Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) April 2, 2018
Trump introduces the newest member of his cabinet pic.twitter.com/qZjYqwqLyb
Ã¢ÂÂ jordan (@JordanUhl) April 2, 2018
“No, I never had sex with that lying porn star nor did I tell her she reminds me of my daughter. Ivanka has much better tits. Now if there are no more questions I’d like to welcome all you kids to the White House Easter Egg Roll.” pic.twitter.com/51Q1h5JrWy
Ã¢ÂÂ Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) April 2, 2018
I’m not the only one who’s pretty sure Roger Stone puts people’s toothbrushes up his ass when he visit their houses, right?
Ã¢ÂÂ Ian Fortey (@IanFortey) April 2, 2018
Who wore it better? pic.twitter.com/a1MaXfltFD
Ã¢ÂÂ Schooley (@Rschooley) April 3, 2018
six months from now Trump’s entire White House staff will be Steve Doocy, Tomi Lahren and a swastika
Ã¢ÂÂ Jeff Tiedrich (@jefftiedrich) April 3, 2018
Super stoked for infrastructure week.
Ã¢ÂÂ lafix (@lafix) April 3, 2018
Donald Trump is sending the National Guard to the US-Mexico border because he saw Speedy Gonzales on TV.
Ã¢ÂÂ Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) April 4, 2018
We are now at the Ã¢ÂÂgetting pwned by Lindsay LohanÃ¢ÂÂ portion of our program. pic.twitter.com/AVpHCr9o3Y
Ã¢ÂÂ shauna (@goldengateblond) April 4, 2018
The full text of Robert Mueller’s charges against Donald Trump will be available free of charge from Amazon in hardback, paperback, Kindle e-book, and as an audio download, read by Jeff Bezos while laughing his ass off.
Ã¢ÂÂ Middle Age Riot (@middleageriot) April 4, 2018
Mississippi now has the highest gay porn consumption in the US.
But it’s all straight guys who keep watching just to remind themselves how much they hate it.
Ã¢ÂÂ John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 5, 2018
“Tell me about the president’s hard cock, you coward” is a take I was honestly unprepared for pic.twitter.com/nhPZAgOrIl
Ã¢ÂÂ Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) April 5, 2018
Good news, guys. There was a caravan of Canadians on their way toward the United States and our porous northern border… but I stopped them by tweeting at them.
You probably didn’t even hear about it… but it happened… I did it… you’re welcome.
Ã¢ÂÂ The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) April 5, 2018
I wish Fox News would spend a morning focusing on a caravan of clowns so Trump would invade Clownsylvania or wherever those weirdos live.
Ã¢ÂÂ Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) April 5, 2018
What if Sean Hannity has been Andy Kaufman this whole time?
Ã¢ÂÂ elan gale (@theyearofelan) April 6, 2018
Blake Farenthold is resigning from Congress to pursue a career as a men’s nightwear model.
Ã¢ÂÂ The Incredible Sulk (@TurnUp_TheTweet) April 6, 2018
More than ever we need the power of prayer to protect us from any Blake Farenthold dick pics that may leak.
Ã¢ÂÂ Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) April 6, 2018
Donald Trump is skipping the White House Correspondents’ Dinner because:
Not exclusive to Fox & Friends
Falls on a golf day
Steaks not served with ketchup
Alex Jones isnÃ¢ÂÂt allowed in
ItÃ¢ÂÂs Shark Week
Dateless since MelaniaÃ¢ÂÂs busy stopping cyber bullying
HeÃ¢ÂÂs a huge pussy
Ã¢ÂÂ Tommy Campbell (@MrTommyCampbell) April 6, 2018
All that’s left for Pruitt to do is show up at Ghostbusters HQ and demand that the containment unit be shut off.
Ã¢ÂÂ Dan Zak (@MrDanZak) April 5, 2018
Jimmy Kimmel was mean to Sean Hannity so now the right wants to boycott Slim-Jim.
I mean, come onnnn…
Slim-Jim is one of the four major food groups for these idiots.
Ã¢ÂÂ The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) April 6, 2018
Sarah Sanders to represent administration at White House Correspondents Dinner. pic.twitter.com/SHeFLirZL6
Ã¢ÂÂ Schooley (@Rschooley) April 7, 2018
Trump Tower is on fire because Eric got his head stuck in the paper shredder again.
Ã¢ÂÂ Jeff Tiedrich (@jefftiedrich) April 7, 2018
Infrastructure week has pretty clearly not worked out for this administration. Next time, they should try something more in Trump’s wheelhouse: venereal disease week.
Ã¢ÂÂ bob (@huntthesnark) April 3, 2018